


I Don’t Want to Let This Go (Is There Somewhere You Can Meet Me)

by BlueStar1937, TwistedMetalTrees



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Angst, Blood Drinking, Clary Bashing, Clary is a bitch, Drug Addiction, Drugging, Hiatus, Hurt/Comfort, Isabelle bashing, M/M, Mind Control, On Hiatus, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psudo death, Vampire Politics, but she might redeem herself later on, drugged blood, non-con, there is no redemption for Clary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-04-18 16:53:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14217558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueStar1937/pseuds/BlueStar1937, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedMetalTrees/pseuds/TwistedMetalTrees
Summary: Simon knows he screwed up. Bad. Because a fledgeling cannot live without a clan and Clary had caused him to lose everything. The rune was still burned on his shoulder, the rune that had forced him to obey her every command. The rune that she had used to destroy his home, his life. His love will never forgive him.Being rewritten





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Story title comes from the Halsey song "Is There Somewhere"

Simon felt the sun go down. He was currently curled up in an empty warehouse down by the docks sleeping under tarps to keep the sun off himself. It wasn’t ideal but nothing was these days. He was hungry, so damn hungry. He would have to go to the butchers tonight, they sold him the animal blood for cheap. It was something Raph had taught him though the older vampire hadn’t meant it to be a sustainable food source. Raphael had only told him about it as a supplement to human blood in case there was a need. 

Simon pushed the tarps off himself and stood. Like always he checked everything he had in a ratty messenger bag. Wallet, notebook, pen, flash drive, star of David, switchblade, pepper spray. The last two had become necessary after he had had a run in with a werewolf and found that he was too weak to properly fight. He was dying a slow death but that was the death he deserved.

Unconsciously he fingered the rune on his shoulder. It had a nasty scar through it, a nasty self inflicted scar that had pussed up for days after he had made the slice but the cut had done its job and made it so that the shadowhunters couldn’t control him through the rune anymore. It didn’t matter though, he had done enough damage under its power. 

Once he knew he had everything, he shuffled out of the warehouse and onto a empty street. He would have to hit up a ATM to pay for the blood but hacking ATMs had become second nature to him. A necessary evil in the long run. He shuffled through the streets, head down and shoulders hunched making him look like any other homeless person in the city. His hair had grown out and now hung clumped and matted down to his shoulders. He was sporting just as gross facial hair which he supposed kept people from recognising him. He knew Magnus had been tracking him, had seen him and Alec around but had always avoided them. It had been almost half a year since he had betrayed his family, betrayed Raphael who had just started to trust Simon with his heart. 

He pulled the flash drive out of his bag when he reached an ATM and plugged it into the slot on the side. The program ran and he withdrew six hundred dollars before unplugging the drive and scuttling off. The ATM wouldn’t raise any alarms, to it it was like he had had an account and used a card. The program had been Simon’s first priority when he had first become homeless and had taken him three weeks to finish. 

He took the subway to the vampire friendly butcher in Astoria and bought enough blood to gorge himself since he couldn’t store it. The butcher didn’t even blink when he paid in cash just passed him five bags of blood and told him to get out. Simon took the blood to the small park on the river and dug in. He was sitting there wondering where he should stay the next day. He had noticed an old apartment building that had a faulty lock on the cellar that he might be able to break. As long as he didn’t make too much noise he would be fine. 

“Simon?” A voice said and he jumped. Spinning around he saw Jace standing twenty feet away with a reusable grocery bag in his left hand.

“Hey.” Simon said skittishly. Jace grimaced 

“What happened to you Lewis? You look like shit.” Jace said and Simon looked down with a shrug

“Clary happened.” Simon said and Jace nodded

“Yeah. I get that.” He said shifting his weight. Simon thought he was just going to walk off until he said, “You got a place to live? I’ve got an apartment five blocks from here.” 

Simon blinked, “You don’t live at the Institute anymore?” He asked and then mentally cursed himself. Jace just shrugged. “Left that business. Well, more like got told to leave or they were going to execute me. I’m a judo teacher at a gym now.” Simon felt a flicker of hope ignite in his chest.

“If it’s really okay with you, I’ll come.” Simon said grabbing his bag and shuffling towards Jace. They didn’t talk until they reached the apartment, a nice one bedroom place, and Jace set the grocery bags down in the small kitchen 

“Go take a shower and wash up. I doubt you’ve been able to do that for a while. Have you eaten recently?” Jace said as Simon stood hesitantly by the door. He didn’t want to answer Jace’s question about his eating habits so instead he asked a question that had been on his mind since they had started walking to the apartment

“Can...Can I shave?” Simon asked and Jace nodded.

“Sure, I’ll get you a pair of clothes while you’re in the bathroom. Doubt anything will fit well but we can go shopping tomorrow night.” Jace said without looking at Simon. 

Quietly Simon made his way to the bathroom that was connected to the bedroom and started the shower making the water as hot as he could. He stripped out of his layers, too many layers, and stepped under the spray. The water felt so good and he stood under the spray for at least five minutes without doing anything but soaking up the warmth.

One thing he had been grateful for was that he no longer felt the heat. Summer on the streets were hot and August, his first month on the street, had probably been the worst month. Not that January was much better. He couldn’t tell how many times the cops had picked him up and taken him to a mundane homeless shelter during snowstorms. He had always tried to leave when he thought no one was looking, knowing that the below freezing temperatures wouldn’t affect him like they used to. 

He had always feared those homeless shelters because they packed people in like sardines on the nights were there was a lot of snow. Too much blood calling to him. Too much temptation.

Simon scrubbed his hair, taking his time to get all the tangles and grime out before washing it several times with the Head and Shoulders shampoo and conditioner just because he could. Once his hair was clean he scrubbed his body down twice with the soap that was in there, an Old Spice brand that smells like citrus, clove and something he couldn’t place.  

He stepped out of the shower and grabbed the electric razor that lay on the counter. He switched the blade so that he wouldn’t mess up Jace’s and began to shave the jungle that had grown on his face. It took longer for him than he would have liked to leave the bathroom once he looked at himself in the mirror without all that hair. His face was all sharp edges and matched the rest of his body quite well. His ribs stuck out from skin that was pulled far to tight along his body. Animal blood might have kept him from killing humans but it didn’t give him the nutrients that he needed. 

He ran his fingers through his wet hair before wrapping a towel around his waist and leaving. The bedroom was empty, thankfully, and there was a pair of jeans, a black button up, a belt, and a pair of socks on the bed. Simon quickly got dressed and noted how the shirt was loose around his ribs and that he needed to tighten the belt to the smallest it could and it was still slightly loose on him. He slipped the socks on even though the cold floor wouldn’t have bothered him. When he left the bathroom he found Jace cooking something in the kitchen. It smelt spicey which made Simon think of Raphael. Raphael’s blood had always had a small kick to it like the fajitas that Simon had always gotten at his favorite Mexican restaurant

“You headed out?” Jace asked as Simon came around the bar. 

Jace was cooking what might have been spanish rice in a skillet on the top of the stove and Simon waited until Jace was looking at him before responding with a shrug as he fingered the edge of the shirt.

“Probably. There’s an internet cafe that is Downworlder friendly in Sunnyside but most of Dumort’s occupants don’t know about it or don’t care that it’s there.” Simon said and Jace hummed. 

“Well I can’t make you come back but always know that this is a safe place for you should you need it.” Jace said and Simon let a small smile slip onto his lips.

He moved back to the bathroom and gathered up his old clothes, picking out the best ones to wear and tossing the rest into the trash. He grabbed his bag,  slipped out of the apartment and headed towards the cafe.

 

Raphael stalked down the silent streets of Sunnyside. It was quiet here, something he was grateful for with all the buzzing in his head. He had been avoiding his clan for the past week due to the fact that he couldn’t get the damn traitorous fledgeling out of his head. How Simon’s eyes had been dilated and the fact that the only Shadowhunters that had been there suddenly had a secrecy rune on them making it impossible for them to talk about anything to do with Camille’s rescue.

He was only going back to the hotel for sleep and a quick meal earning concerned looks from his second, Lily. He ignored them and the paperwork piling up that needed to be signed. Lily could take care of most of it but he still had to sign the shit. Maybe he should get one of those stamps with his signature. Most nights he wandered, following a scent he thought was only in his head, the paths were random enough for them to be just a figment of his imagination. 

He saw a tall familiar figure slip out of a small 24/7 cafe and the scent that he followed every night hit him; the scent of sugar, cherries, and a hint of cinnamon. There was also a sharp sour tone that nearly washed the mixture away. Raphael wrinkled his nose but moved closer to the figure he knew was Simon. 

He was nearly on top of the other vampire before Simon spun and sprayed something in Raphael’s face. Whatever it was, it burned and he dropped to his knees with a shout of pain. It cleared up quickly with several rapid blinks and lots of scrubbing. Looking up, Raphael was treated to a view of Simon running away. With a growl, Raphael gave chase. Simon was moving slow for a vampire and Raphael was quickly gaining on him when Simon swerved into a 24/7 bodega where there was three mundanes shopping. Raphael growled deep in his throat and slowed to a stop in front of the store. It became apparent after twenty minutes that Simon had found an alternative exit and he stalked away. He pulled out his cell and speed dialed one for Magnus

“Hijo? Is everything okay?” Magnus asked and Raphael let out an unnecessary sigh. There was the sound of pounding music from Magnus’ side of the line and Raphael assumed that he was at Pandemonium. 

“I found Si today.” He said and there was a sharp inhale on the other end.

“Was he okay? Where is he staying? Is he eating okay? Where is he now?” The rapid fire of questions made Raphael feel a shot of guilt go through him.

“I don’t know the answer to any of those questions. I found him in Sunnyside, started following him and he sprayed me with something before I could stop him. He ran, I got pissed and chased. He lost me in a bodega.” Raphael said sounding and feeling put out. 

He heard laughter on the other end of the line. 

“He's gotten smart. I'll use a tracking spell again tomorrow night. We’ll find your wayward fledgling and get answers. Clay and Isabelle are still under that rune of secrecy but Simon wouldn't have been able to wear it.” Magnus said. Raphael hummed before hanging up. There were too many unanswered questions about the night that Simon had helped the Shadowhunters break Camille out. He looked up at the sky and imagined what the stars would look like. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the next chapter!

Simon had been staying with Jace for two weeks. They had worked out a truce of sorts, Jace slept in the bed during the night and Simon used it during the day. The bottom drawer of the fridge was where Simon kept the butcher’s blood packs. He had thought about going to one of the many distributors of human blood that Raphael had told him about but knew that the Dumort vampires kept a good eye on those and had discarded the idea. He was slumped in the kitchen against the counter slowly sucking on a blood pack when Jace stumbled out of the bedroom fully dressed.  
“We’ve gotta get you out of here.” Jace said pulling the jacket he had in his hands on. Confused, Simon took one last pull from his blood bag before dropping it into the trashcan and grabbing his bag to follow Jace out of the apartment.  
“What’s going on?” Simon asked as they made their way towards a fancier section of Astoria.  
“I’m taking you to my girlfriend’s apartment while Raphael and Magnus look for you at mine. Alec warned me that Raphael was bringing two of his clan members and I figured that it would be best to get you out of the apartment before they arrive.” Jace said and Simon flinched. No doubt they would have made a mess of him if Alec hadn’t given the warning.  
“I’m sorry for all the trouble I’m causing.” Simon mumbled reaching into his bag for the silver star. The holy symbol burned his palm but it only made him clutch it tighter. Pain was all he deserved.  
“It’s fine. Stop apologising.” Jace said sharply turning abruptly at a building. He rang the buzzer and Simon tuned out the brief conversation that Jace had with the occupant. There was a quiet moment before a blonde mousy girl opened the door.  
“Thank you Cassandra. This is Simon, he’s a vampire and is willing to help you with your book if you ask nicely.” Jace said and the girl smiled.  
“I’ll keep him here if the sun’s up and you’re not done with whatever. Don’t worry, no one gets into the building without permission or a key.” She said and Jace shoved Simon towards her.  
“Thanks again.” He said before hurrying off. Simon followed the girl into the building quietly. She led him to an elevator and waited until they were inside it and moving up to the fifth floor before speaking.  
“Must be tough being around humans all the time.” She said softly. Simon shrugged.  
“I’m a vegan, I only drink animal blood.” He said and she gave a tinkling laugh.  
“I thought Jace was crazy when he told me. Then he drew a rune on his arm and it wasn’t so crazy anymore. I think I asked him a million questions and I still don’t understand everything. Are there more like you? Vegan vampires, I mean.” She said as the elevator opened and Simon rubbed the back of his neck.  
“It’s not exactly healthy to drink only animal blood. It’s like only eating rice. Just rice and nothing else. My clan leader told me about it because it can be used when our clan has a shortage on human blood and I was his advisor.” he said softly as they moved down the hall.  
“So why do you do it? I mean, it sounds like it’s slowly killing you.” Cassandra said unlocking 513 and pushing the door open. Simon shrugged as he followed her into the apartment.  
“Better to starve than to be torn apart by the clan. Or caught by Camille.” He said looking down at the black carpets.  
“I’m sorry.” Cassandra said causing him to look at her. She had a look of pity on her face and he shot her the best grin he could.  
“There was nothing anyone could do. I made mistakes, now I have to live with them.” He said with a sigh.  
“Still. It doesn't seem quite fair.” She said as she shut the door behind him.  
“What's your book on?” Simon asked hoping to change the subject. Cassandra laughed.  
“I'm writing a teen fantasy book about your world. Obviously I'm not using real people and I'm setting it in LA but I'm using a lot of the information that Jace gives me as research.” She said sounding pleased with herself.  
“Well I've only been a vampire for less than a year but I could tell you about how I was turned and maybe you could include it somehow.” Simon said sitting on the small couch carefully.  
“Sure, tell me as much as you feel comfortable. And don't worry, I won't tell Jace anything that you don't want me to.” She said grabbing a pen and a legal pad.  
Simon took a deep breath and began to tell her everything from how Clary had freaked out in a club about people killing a guy to when she had drawn the rune on his shoulder and even to the half a year he had spent on the streets. Cassandra was an amazing listener, never interrupted just wrote everything down on her pad.  
“Sounds like this Clary’s a bitch. One thing I noticed was you never said the name of the vampire who is the leader of the clan now. You referred to him as ‘Camille’s second in command’, ‘the leader’, or ‘the head vampire’ but you never actually say a name.” She said and Simon frowned.  
“I don’t know. Saying his name hurts.” Simon said lamely.  
“Tell me about him. What was he like?” Cassandra said  
“He was very serious. I rarely saw him smile and when he did it was always a sarcastic smirk. He cared about his clan though. Always making sure they were safe from whatever might come. He wasn’t old when he was turned but he seems so much older now. He’s fair and does what he has to even if he doesn’t like it. I donno, I know he hates me but…” Simon trailed off and Cassandra finished the sentence for him.  
“You love him. That’s why it hurts to say his name, because you feel like you betrayed him even though you didn’t have a choice in what happened.” She said and Simon didn’t bother getting angry.  
“Clary didn’t care if the rune destroyed me. She never cared about me and I didn’t see that until it was way too late. He cared even though he rarely let it show. He didn’t mind my rambles though sometimes he would tell me to shut up, he never said it maliciously. We...he had just started to really let me in when the shitstorm went down.” Simon admitted.  
The room was becoming blurry around the edges but Simon put it off as simple hunger, after all he hadn’t been able to finish his bloodbag before Jace had had him leave. There was a funny noise of something rushing, some sort of liquid. It didn’t sound like water in pipes. Cassandra’s lips were moving but he couldn’t make out any sound over the rushing sound. There was a tantalizing smell too, sweet and vanilla-y and butter. It reminded Simon of the buttercream frosting his mother had made when he was a kid. Slowly, without him really noticing, something inside him snapped. 

Raphael wasn’t stupid. He knew when they had portaled into an empty apartment that Herondale had hidden his fledgeling elsewhere.  
“Track him.” He ordered Elliot and Peter who had come with him to the Shadowhunter’s apartment. They were out the door in a second, tracking the scent of the fledgeling. Magnus rested a hand on his shoulder and Raphael turned towards him.  
“We’re catching up.” Magnus said with a small smile. The door opened and the Herondale boy walked in. He stopped and raised an eyebrow at them.  
“You know it’s impolite to portal straight into someone’s living room.” The Shadowhunter said in a bored voice.  
“Where’s Samuel?” Magnus asked and the bastard shrugged.  
“He’s out somewhere.” He replied and Raphael couldn’t help the growl that slipped his lips.  
“Because you warned him.” He snapped and the damn Shadowhunter sent him a blank look.  
“And how would I do that when I didn’t know you were coming?” He said in a monotone drawl but Raphael could hear the undertone of amusement. Magnus tightened his grip on Raphael’s shoulder to keep him from lunging at the bastard who was keeping his fledgling from him.  
“Do you have any of the blood he’s been drinking?” Magnus asked politely. There was a moment where Jace was obviously trying to figure out what was going on before he nodded towards the fridge.  
“Bottom drawer. He gets it himself and keeps it there.” The Shadowhunter said moving away from the small kitchen. Raphael stalked forwards and opened the fridge with more force than necessary. The bottom drawer was half filled with vacuum sealed bags that weren’t labeled. Grabbing one randomly, Raphael bit into it before choking at the stale taste and spitting it out on the white tile floor earning a shout from the Shadowhunter  
“Animal. Cow or goat.” Raphael said tossing the blood bag into the trash. All eyes shifted to the Shadowhunter who seemed to realize that something was seriously wrong.  
“Look, I don’t push with him because if I do he’ll run. He’s only been with me for a little over two weeks and that’s not nearly long enough for him to feel comfortable here.” The blonde Shadowhunter said and Raphael let out a deep growl from the back of his throat.  
“Raph, enough. Look, the more our dear Sam drinks animal blood the weaker and more dangerous he becomes. He might not seem it but he could lose control without meaning to. The animal blood masks the signs of the starvation.” Magnus said and the Shadowhunter paled. He pulled out a cell phone and dialed a number.  
“Cass, thank God...Cass? What’s going o-Cass! Cass!” The Shadowhunter sounded panicked and Raphael got a sinking feeling in his gut. He pulled his own phone out and dialed Elliot. The other vampire picked up after the first ring and Raphael was pleased.  
“Get to Simon’s location now. The situation is worse than we thought.” Raphael said in a sharp tone before hanging up. The Shadowhunter was still on the phone with who ever he had hidden Simon with. Magnus, the intelligent creature he was, crossed the space between him and the Shadowhunter and put a hand on the idiot’s shoulder.  
“What’s the address?” Magnus asked and the Shadowhunter paused in his reasurances to the person on the other end of the phone long enough to rattle off an address. Magnus created a portal and the Shadowhunter was dashing through it. Raphael followed at a more sedated pace. The scene was not a pleasant one. The apartment was completely trashed, the bedroom door was shut and the rabid fledgling was clawing at it. Obviously the owner of the apartment was on the other side. Jace was laying dazed where the fledgling must have tossed him in the remains of what had been a bookcase.  
“Simon.” Raphael said and got no response from the younger vampire. Carefully, Raphael approached the fledgling until he was close enough to grab him. The fledgling struggled in Raphael’s grip as Raphael had both of his wrists in a tight grip while keeping Simon close to his body by wrapping an arm around the fledgling’s upper body. It was a struggle but Raphael managed to spin the fledgling around until Simon’s nose was pressed into Raphael’s neck.  
“Drink, bebé.” Raphael ordered as Simon nosed where his pulse point would have been. Somehow, the order made it through the haze of the hunger because Simon sunk his fangs into Raphael’s shoulder and took a deep pull. It was like all the fight had drained from the fledgling and Raphael had to hold the younger vampire up.  
Magnus helped Raphael maneuver the fledgling onto the shredded couch without jostling either of them too much since Simon hadn’t stopped drinking. The Shadowhunter was talking to whoever was on the other side of the door but Raphael ignored the exchange in favor of letting his eyes slide shut and enjoy the feel of his fledgling feeding. It would have been erotic if Raphael hadn’t known just how starved Simon really was. Simon went from drinking as fast as he could to slowly suckling after a while and Raphael let his eyes slide open to find that Simon had fallen asleep.  
“Is he going to be okay?” A woman’s voice asked from behind the couch and Raphael slowly turned to look at the speaker. It was a mundane woman with plain blonde hair and green eyes. Raphael couldn’t see anything special about her but since he could smell the blonde Shadowhunter all over her, he surmised that there must be something about her that was interesting.  
“He’ll be fine eventually.” Raphael said softly as he returned his gaze to the sleeping fledgling in his arms. Simon looked innocent in his sleep, like a child but Raphael knew looks could be deceiving. Simon may need him at the moment but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t betray the clan again. The only difference was that this time Raphael wouldn’t be putting his own heart on the line as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, kudo, bookmark, and subscribe!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was originally going to be much much lighter. Then I saw infinity wars and rewrote it. That and I've had a shitty weekend so... :/ Please pray to any god for me, i'm not picky about which one.

Simon woke to panic. The last thing he remembered was talking to Cassandra about the shadow world and then everything seemed almost like a bad movie. He had chased the mundane around her apartment, she had hit him hard with a frying pan which had given her enough time to lock herself in her bedroom. He had clawed at the door, yowling for her blood as if it was the only thing that mattered. And at that moment it had been. Then Jace, Magnus, and Raphael had been there though how they had known where he was was still fuzzy. After that he couldn’t piece any memory into coherincy. Looking at his current surroundings he found himself in a dark room that smelt like it was underground. He was lying on a cot that looked like it had seen better days. The room was dark, the only reason he could see was a small sliver of light under what might have been a door and his uncanny night vision

“‘Ello?” He called and his cracked voice echoed in the emptiness. There wasn’t a reply and Simon wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing. With a sigh, Simon stood only to find that he had been chained to a metal ring at the end of the bed and could only go a couple of steps towards the door before the chain was holding him back. Fear licked at his veins and he curled up on the bed, eyes wide and body tense. Hours ticked by and a thirst bubbled up in his gut and clawed at his throat. 

Finally a light flicked on, illuminating the room. Simon hissed in pain as the unexpected light assaulted his eyes. The metal door across from the cot slid open and three people Simon did  _ not _ want to see entered the small space. Magnus, Lily, and Raphael. Lily was straight up glaring at Simon while Magnus seemed worried and Raphael was emotionless. Feeling cornered Simon let out a small hiss and curled further in on himself. Lily, of course, hissed back earning a disapproving glare from Magnus. There was a stalemate now while everyone waited for someone else to speak. Tension rose until Magnus finally sighed.

“Sally, how are you feeling?” The warlock asked gently and Simon, who had been keeping his eyes focused on Lily, the one he perceived to be the biggest threat to him, snapped his attention to Magnus. He stared at Magnus for a moment before speaking.

“Thirsty.” He rasped out. Magnus nodded. 

“That’s to be expected. You’ve been living on animal blood for a while now and that's not healthy. You've been masking the hunger but never really feeding it.” Magnus said and Simon frowned. 

“So what? You feed me until I’m healthy and then you kill me? Seems counterproductive.” He said and Raphael said something in Spanish that might have been swears but since Simon didn’t speak the language any more than to say ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ and to know when others were calling him an idiot but that was about it. Instead he sighed and buried his face in his knees deciding to ignore the others until they told him what they wanted. Because it was obvious that they wanted  _ something _ from him and that until they got what they wanted he wouldn’t be let out of this room. 

“Samson! Seth, please answer me.” Magnus’ voice caught Simon’s attention and he realized that Magnus had to have been calling his name for a couple of minutes and that he had seriously zoned out. 

“Hmm?” Simon hummed lifting his head enough to barely see over his knees. His eyes felt heavy and he couldn’t help but to blink slowly. 

“Why is the traitor acting so...odd.” That was Lily’s voice. Simon wasn’t sure what she meant by ‘odd’ but he couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief when a cool body lifted him up and wrapped itself around him. 

“Drink mi sol naciente, you need your strength to answer our questions.” A smooth voice said in his ear. Simon felt his head being lifted to the crook of a shoulder. There was blood pumping under the skin there yet Simon wouldn’t let himself bite. Couldn’t let himself bite. His mind was muddled but he knew that if he bit down there would be nothing from stopping him from draining the poor Mundane that he was currently laying on. 

“Come on bebé, you have to feed.” The smooth voice said and Simon shook his head, dragging his nose across the person’s collarbone. A strong hand pressed him into the neck and Simon felt his fangs drop. Simon let out a whine in protest

“Please, no. Dn’t wanna ‘urt ‘ou.” He slurred. The person underneath him chuckled

“You won’t hurt me idota. I’ll stop you before you do.” The smooth voice said but Simon refused to give in. The Mundane obviously didn’t understand how much danger they were in at the moment. Simon refused to hurt them, refused to be a monster. He would be stronger than his thirst.

 

Magnus had to leave the cell where they were keeping Simon. Lily had left an hour ago after Raphael had told her to. Simon still wouldn’t feed. It had been three hours since they had first walked into the cell and Simon refused to feed, to live. Raphael had asked for privacy and while Magnus hadn’t wanted to leave, he knew the process of what Raphael was about to do was a big vampire secret. 

He let his eyes slide shut, trying to block out the image of the gaunt figure that had been laying on Raphael’s chest. He had looked like a holocaust victim, even feeding from Raphael in the mundane’s living room hadn’t made him look better. A shriek filled the air making Magnus jump. Even as it began it was gone, the sound of nails on a chalkboard and a thousand dying cats. Magnus had to keep himself from going back into the cell and forcing the two vampires away from each other. He knew he shouldn’t, that it would make things worse, and that was the only thing that kept him from doing so. Another scream tore through the air, this one much more human and much longer. Pain laced the cry, an anguish that Magnus had never heard come from Simon’s lips. And Magnus knew it was Simon making the sound. Raphael was not only older and therefore stronger, he was also healthier. But Simon had looked so tortured laying there in Raphael’s arms while they tried anything and everything to get him to feed that the sound of the fledgling’s pain was breaking his heart. 

The cries rose in octave and he thought he heard a garbled ‘Raph’ and ‘please’ and maybe even his own name mixed in there.  Magnus couldn’t stand it any longer and quickly portaled back to his apartment. Alexander was waiting for him there, waiting for the news with a hopeful look that faded when he saw how haggard Magnus looked. 

“What happened? Is Simon okay?” Alexander asked rising from the couch to help Magnus sit. 

The worry that colored the Shadowhunter’s voice sent a pang of guilt through the Warlock at what they were doing to the fledgling. Magnus shook his head and buried his hands in his face. Where did he even begin? What could he do to alleviate the pain that his beloved was feeling when he didn’t even know if the process would work?

 

Raphael watched the fledgling writhe on the cot. The screams had stopped coming from his mouth but they still echoed around the room. He was naked, skin pulled tight over ribs and pelvis. Arms and legs thin as twigs. Simon’s fingers were clenched in the crumpled, red stained sheets. Eyes stared unseeing at the ceiling.

His state wasn’t only because of his lack of feeding, though Raphael assumed that it would have taken longer to get to this point if the fledgling had been eating properly. No, this was because of Raphael and the process of draining the fledgling. The blood that soaked the sheets on the cot and the thin mattress dripped onto the floor in a crimson mess was both too much and not enough. Raphael wanted so bad to comfort the fledgling, to tell him that this was necessary but it would be just empty words to someone who couldn’t understand him. 

Simon was dying again, Raphael was draining him through gashes up his arms and across his chest. This death, however, would not be hidden in the throes of lust and the high of the feed. It had been possible but Raphael wouldn’t have been able to look at his fledgling after that without seeing the act. No matter what anyone would have said, it would have been rape to kill Simon like that. Finally the gaunt form fell still and Raphael carefully approached the cot. He cradled Simon’s face in his hands as the last of the fledgling’s blood drained out

“Shh, it’s going to be alright.” Raphael crooned as Simon clumsely reached up with bloody fingers to touch Raphael’s cheek. 

“I...I’m sorry. I don’t...I don’t want to go.” Simon choked out and Raphael shushed him again. 

“It’s going to be alright Cariño. I’m going to take care of you.” He murmured as he maneuvered the limp fledgling so that he could bite down on Simon’s neck. 

As soon as Raphael started to pump venom into the other vampire the screaming started up again. Simon clutched weakly at Raphael’s hair with one hand and tried feebly to push him away with the other. Raphael could feel Simon’s body die in his arms. Though the fledgling hadn’t struggled much there had been quite a bit of tension in his body. Slowly, the fledgling slumped in Raphael’s grip, the hand that had been pushing at his chest slackened, the tension in the throat under Raphael’s fangs gave out, and the hand in his hair laid to rest limply on Raphael’s back. It was only then that Raphael realized Simon hadn’t been mindlessly screaming. He had been screaming a word. A name. Raphael’s name.

“Lo siento, mi sol naciente.” Raphael murmured into the fledgling’s neck. As expected, there was no reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love all of you. Please look for a Malec oneshot that will be going up tonight and tell me if I should make it a series of oneshots, a story, or leave it in its depressing loneliness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now you get some answers. And more questions, even. Clary is a bitch too.

Raphael sat beside the freshly dug grave. Worry ate at him as the minutes ticked by and there was still no signs of life. Had he done something wrong? Would this be the end of the fledgling? Finally the dirt began to shift as the fledgling dug his way out. Pale, bony hands pushed through the dirt slowly, as if the digger had little energy. Raphael watched Simon struggle until he couldn’t take it anymore and began to dig as well. He carefully pulled Simon’s gaunt body from the grave. Simon’s eyes were half lidded but he was completely focused on Raphael. As if Simon was a baby bird, Raphael cradled him to his chest, pressing the fledglings mouth to his neck.

“Drink, Bebé. You must drink.” Raphael ordered as he felt Simon mouthing at his unbeating pulse point but not breaking the skin. Fear flashed through Raphael at the thought that Simon was too weak to break the skin but finally fangs pierced skin and Simon began to drink. Raphael shifted them into a comfortable position, him leaning against his own gravestone, Simon cradled against his chest drinking slowly, and cooler filled with blood packets for himself to drink when Simon began to take too much. Simon was clutching Raphael’s jacket like a lifeline as he shivered. Raphael let Simon drink as much as he could, draining a blood packet when ever he felt lightheaded. Finally, Simon detached with a sigh. The shivers hadn’t stopped which worried Raphael but he hoped they would pass.

“What happened?” Simon asked softly, his voice was rough like he had just woken up. Raphael thought about telling Simon what he had done but decided against it. It would be safer to keep it a secret a bit longer, Simon would be seen as a weakness if anyone else found out and Raphael didn’t trust Simon not to tell his Shadowhunter friends.

“Nothing you need to concern yourself with now. You’re safe now Cariño.” Raphael murmured stroking Simon’s back as the fledgling clung tighter to Raphael.

“I’m sorry.” Simon said after a long moment of silence and Raphael let out a hum of acknowledgment.

“What is the rune on your shoulder Simon?” Raphael asked gently. Simon was quiet for a moment before replying

“They tried to convince me to betray you. I wouldn't. How could I have? You guys are my family. They didn't like that answer. Not at all.” Simon was quiet for a moment but when Raphael went to speak he began again

“Isabelle held me down. I didn’t realize how strong she was until then. Clary...Clary’s the one who drew it. I screamed as she drew it. Felt like I was nothing but ice deep in the heart of the arctic. Then there was nothing, I couldn’t control myself I could only watch and do whatever she wanted.” Simon’s voice was emotionless, but there had been a hesitation when he had said the name of his best friend. Raphael pulled Simon a little closer, as if that would protect him from the past. Simon was sobbing and since the last thing the fledgling needed at the moment was to lose blood through his tears, Raphael was quick to comfort him.

“Shh, you’re okay. Someone broke the rune, they can’t control you anymore. I’ve got you now mi sol naciente.” Raphael didn’t stop the comforting words until he was sure that Simon’s tears had stopped.

“I don’t know how I broke the rune, Clary had me locked up in the Institute. She would...Sometimes Isabelle would stop her but...I couldn’t…” Simon whimpered before continuing on a different track which made Raphael wonder what he was trying to say but couldn’t get out

“It was one of the rare moments that they hadn’t locked me in before going on a mission. I tried to find Alec but he wasn’t available and one of the Shadowhunters sneered at me and told me to go kill myself. It...It seemed like a good idea, I was tired of barely being in control of my own body so I stole a seraph blade and slipped out. I wasn’t able to leave the grounds but I was hiding behind a group of large shrubs.” Simon buried his face into Raphael’s chest and took an unnecessary deep breath

“I didn’t want to die. I wanted to go home and I didn’t want to die. So I slashed through the rune.” Simon’s voice caught on the last word and Raphael murmured comfort into his hair while rubbing his back

“If the rune being drawn felt like ice, breaking it felt like fire. I lied there for most of the night. Until I heard them calling for me. I knew I couldn’t let them catch me so I ran. I ran and I ran and I ran. I didn’t stop running until Jace found me.” Simon murmured low enough that a human wouldn’t have been able to catch the words but Raphael’s vampire hearing caught every word.

“Lo siento, bebé. I’m sorry for what I said, the kill order, everything.” Raphael said forcing his voice not to break. He would be strong, his fledgling needed him to be strong.  
“I’m just glad I’m with you again. Even if it’s not for long.” Simon sighed and his words confused Raphael.

“You’re not going anywhere, Fledgling. The kill order was lifted a month after I told you to leave, everyone has missed you. You’re going to return to the hotel with me and we’re going to take care of you.” Raphael ordered in the best leader voice he could muster at this point. It wasn’t very leadery, his voice was too soft to be anything but concerned but Simon didn’t seem to notice.

“Okay.” The fledgling sighed before pulling away. Raphael climbed to his feet steadily but when Simon went to follow his legs wouldn’t hold him. He would have tumbled into the mound of dirt he had clawed out of that night if Raphael hadn’t caught him.

“I’m sorry.” Simon whimpered as Raphael scooped him up bridal style

“It’s fine.” Raphael grunted carrying Simon over to a beat up red pickup truck. He slid Simon into the passenger's seat and secured him before going back to the gravesite to get the shovel and the cooler. He tossed both of them into the back of the truck before climbing into the driver’s seat and starting up the truck. As he drove, Raphael kept an eye on the fledgling in his passenger seat. Simon seemed to drift in and out of a light sleep, jerking awake before he could drift any deeper. Worried, Raphael decided to call Magnus as soon as they arrived at the hotel to check on his fledgling. Hopefully he would bring his Nephilim boyfriend and they could get some answers on what had happened in the time that Simon had been held prisoner at the Institute.

 

Alec listened to Raphael telling Magnus what had happened to Simon. His face remained impassive, he made sure of that, but inside he was thinking of all the ways that he could, no _would_ , punish the two female Shadowhunters who had hurt the fledgling. He knew the Clave wouldn’t do anything, in fact they might give the two medals. No, Alec would put them on the most annoying, basic tasks that he knew for fact would drive his sister up a wall and most likely would make Clary want to go back to the Mundane world. He would be the hard ass they always accused him of being. And now with Jace no longer part of the Institute they would have no one to cajole into their antics.

“What else is bothering you Raphael?” Magnus’ words brought Alec out of his schemes. Raphael glanced at the door that led to the bedroom where Simon was sleeping

“Something happened to the fledgling when he was trapped in the Institute. Clary was doing something to him that sometimes Isabelle would stop. He couldn’t say what it was.” Raphael said in a almost bored tone. If Alec hadn’t gotten fluent in reading Raphael’s body language in the five months, two weeks and six days that Simon had been missing, he might have thought that the vampire really didn’t care. Instead he noticed that Raphael was anxious, he kept running left thumb in small circles on the index finger of the same hand. A small motion that would be easily overlooked or dismissed if one didn’t know what it meant. If Raphael could have held a rosary he would be.

“You don’t think…” Magnus trailed off and cleared his throat but they all knew what the rest of his sentence would have been. Raphael shrugged

“It’s a possibility. I hope it’s not what happened but it’s a possibility. Maybe even a good one.” Raphael said and his fist clenched for a brief second telling Alec he was more than angry. He was pissed.

“Could we read Simon’s mind? Learn that way?” Alec asked before quickly adding, “But only with his permission.” Magnus sighed

“A person’s mind is a delicate thing. Even if he hadn’t been mind controlled Simon’s mind might not be strong enough to stand it. Add in the fact that he was mind controlled less than a year ago there’s no way  I would feel comfortable digging through Simon’s memories.” He explained. Alec nodded and was about to suggest asking Izzy when Raphael’s head snapped towards the door to the hallway

“What’s wrong?” Magnus asked hesitantly

“I thought I heard something.” Raphael said softly, brows furrowed. In three quick strides, Raphael crossed the room and threw the door open to reveal Clary and Izzy standing there. Izzy looked like she had been trying to pull Clary away from the door while Clary had a scowl on her face

“What the hell are you doing here?” Raphael snapped and Clary yanked her arm out of Izzy’s grip to cross them over her chest

“I came for Simon. He doesn’t belong here.” Clary said in a tone that one would use if they were talking to a cockroach. Alec stood and moved to stand behind Raphael

“I think this is exactly where Simon belongs.” He said in a cool even tone that brooked no arguments. Izzy nodded quickly

“I tried to tell her that but she wouldn’t listen. I just wanted to make sure he was okay. It’s been so long, we didn’t even think the tracking rune would work.” Izzy said and Alec nodded

“I’ll deal with you both later. Return to the Institute.” Alec demanded but of course Clary didn’t listen. She pushed past Raphael and into the room. It was just their luck that at that moment the door to the bedroom opened and Simon came shuffling out like one of those zombies from the Mundane movies Magnus liked so much.

“Simon!” Clary cried in horror when he froze at the sight of her. He really didn’t look good.Alec had to use his imagination for exactly how thin the fledgling vampire was since he was wearing a tee shirt but he was almost a walking skeleton; his skin stretched over the bone and tendons of his shoulder and the fact that his collar bone was sticking out of his skin like a beacon.. Izzy gasped at the sight and dropped to her knees in shock and Alec had to force himself not to comfort her in case he was needed to restrain Clary.

“Rapha?” Simon’s voice was small, frightened. In an instant Raphael was between Clary and the fledgling, body angled towards the corpse-like figure.

“What did you do to him?!” Clary shrieked and Alec surmised that if the rest of the clan didn’t know she was there before they did now. Simon was trembling now, full body shakes of pure terror. Raphael caught him when the tremors became too much for him to handle causing his knees to give out and carried the fledgling over to the couch away from Clary in less than a blink of the eye. Simon buried his face into Raphael’s neck

“Drink, volantón. You need to drink.” Raphael murmured as he stroked Simon’s back in comfort. Simon let out a small sound before biting down and beginning to drink as if he was unaware of anyone else in the room

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Let go of him!” Clary screamed moving to pull the two vampires away from each other, which would only have disastrous consequences for her, but was stopped by a shimmering purple barrier

“I’ve think you’ve done enough Miss Fray and that it is time for you to leave.” Magnus’ voice was low and dangerous. Clary gaped at him and Alec figured that she had never been on the receiving end of that particular tone.

“Not without Simon.” Clary said firmly. Magnus raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow

“It wasn’t a request nor was it something that you could make conditions on. You are leaving now or else I will be forced to do something that means hiding a body. Your body to be specific.” Magnus said and a trickle of fear seemed to crawl down everyone’s back. Well, almost everyone, Raphael didn’t seem phased and Simon was so out of it he didn’t even notice. Clary seemed to fight with herself before turning and leaving. Izzy was still sitting on the floor in the hallway, deep in shock with tears streaming down her face and eyes wide but unseeing. Taking pity on her, Magnus scooped her up and carried her into the room, setting her gently on the loveseat that had no current occupants.

“We did this to him.” Izzy breathed, regret running deep through her voice as more tears leaked out of her eyes and smeared her mascara down her cheeks.

“Yes you did.” Raphael said bluntly. Izzy let out a choked sob that might have been a hiccup.

“Go to sleep Isabelle.” Magnus said and Alec watched a sleeping spell wash over his little sister. There was a moment where no one spoke

“Do you think he’ll ever forgive her?” Alec asked making sure that his tone suggested he was okay if Simon didn’t forgive his sister. Magnus shrugged

“Simon’s a forgiving guy. It will take time and he may never trust her completely again but things may work out.” He said waving his hand and conjuring a large glass of blood for Raphael who was starting to look too pale. Raphael grabbed it and drained it in one go.  
“Forgot how much starving fledglings can drink?” Magnus asked the older vampire lightly. Raphael muttered something in Spanish that was too low for Alec to catch.

“He’s not really drinking anymore. Fell asleep, which is probably to be expected, but doesn’t want to detach.” Raphael said in a louder voice as they watched Simon swallow another mouthful of blood lazily.

“Is that common?” Alec asked and Raphael shrugged

“When a vampire is starving and they finally find a food source they tend to latch on until the source is gone. It’s basic instinct so that they don’t lose the source.” He explained and Alec nodded.

“I should get back to the Institute.” Alec said scooping Izzy up into his arms.

“I’ll open a portal for you. I would go with you but if I see Miss Fray again it might end in a trial against me.” Magnus said pressing a kiss to Alec’s cheek and opening a portal.

“I’ll see you tonight. Take care of our son.” Alec said and Magnus smiled

“Which one?” He quipped and Alec blushed before stepping through the portal and finding himself in the hallway in front of Izzy’s room. He carefully opened the door and settled his sister down on her bed, gently tucking her in like she was a child. With a soft sigh he stood and left the room to deal with Clary and the inevitable mess that she would be stirring up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter started out a bit of a filler chapter and then dissolved into important content. For all my fellow Americans, Happy early Memorial Day. For the rest of the world, here's a new chapter.

Raphael watched his fledgling curl up in the middle of the clan. They were hanging out in the den watching a movie that was about a tiny man and a baby girl who had magic and a queen or a witch that was trying to kill the little thing. Raphael had unfortunately not been able to stick around for most the movie due to meetings that he had been postponing. It had been two weeks since the clan had got their fledgling back. Magnus had done a checkup last night and declared that Simon could start back on regular blood in small amounts while still drinking some vampiric blood. He had explained that the blood Simon would get from another vampire had hormones in it that Simon’s body wasn’t creating and that he was trying to jumpstart the creation of said hormones. The entire clan had pitched in when it came to Simon’s special blood though Raphael still made sure he was the main source. 

“Why don’t you go join them?” Lily asked coming up behind Raphael. She was wearing pajamas and had already taken off her makeup which made her look younger.

“I have work to do.” Raphael said but the excuse sounded flimsy even to his own ears. Lily snorted.

“The paperwork will be there later. Simon needs his Sire.” Lily said and Raphael sighed. He wasn’t sure how she knew he had switched Simon’s sire from Camille to himself but it  _ was _ Lily and she always seemed to know everything. It was the reason she was his second in command. With a shove from Lily, Raphael strolled into the room as the movie was ending. 

“Rapha!” Simon called sleepily reaching out for the clan leader. 

“How you feeling Bebé?” Raphael said sliding into the space the clan made for him beside Simon. Simon curled up in Raphael’s side much like a cat.

“Hungry.” Simon murmured and Raphael nodded. 

“I’m sure you are. I doubt you’ve eaten since I left.” He said sliding his arm around Simon’s shoulders so that he could bite down on the wrist. Raphael knew Simon prefered feeding from his neck as it allowed Simon to ‘pin’ Raphael down but Raphael refused to let him in front of the clan for several reasons. The biggest being that it was a intimate position that wasn’t to be done in public. 

Simon carefully bit into his wrist and began to feed. The clan sat like that until the sun was rising, watching some odd movie with cheesy special effects and way too much glitter. Simon was asleep before the beginning credits rolled and Raphael let the fledgling snuggle into his side. As the sun rose outside the clan turned the TV off and disappeared into their respective rooms.    
“Come on Bebé. Let’s get you to bed.” Raphael murmured to the sleeping fledgling as he detached Simon from his wrist and lifted him carefully into his arms. He carried Simon to his penthouse where he was keeping his fledgling and tucked him into the large bed before slipping out to the small living room and starting on more paperwork. It wasn’t more than two hours later that the bedroom door opened and Simon shuffled out to sit on the dark brown leather couch that he seemed to favor over the armchairs.    
“Bad dream Cariño?” Raphael asked lightly even though he knew the answer was yes. 

Simon didn’t give a verbal response, just nodded his head and curled in on himself as he sat two feet from where Raphael was working at his desk. Raphael hummed but didn’t push. It would only make things worse if he pushed. He continued to work, slowly typing away at his computer while keeping an eye on the fledgling. Simon was falling asleep on the couch, a usual occurrence, and Raphael stood to collect the soft blanket that he kept for these moments. 

Once Simon was laid out on the couch with a blanket covering him Raphael returned to his work. It was close to one in the afternoon before he was done and he stretched feeling his vertebrae crack as he did so. Shutting down his computer he scooped up Simon who had wrapped himself up in the blanket like a burrito and carried him into the bedroom. He set his fledgling down on the bed and used his vampire speed to change into more comfortable clothes before sliding into the bed beside the young vampire. As he was drifting off he felt Simon shift and a cool hand wrap around his wrist. It didn’t bother him and he fell into a deep sleep.

 

Clary hated Alec. The bastard had not only given her and Izzy the most boring and menial tasks he had also taken her off the patrol schedule and had mentioned sending her to Idris for some sort of schooling. It was demeaning. All she had been doing was trying to rescue her best friend and from the looks of Simon he was in desperate need of rescuing. What had those vampires done to him? Brainwashing was a certain thing, he had barely looked at her when she had last seen him and had been shaking like a leaf. Santiago was a twisted bastard if he thought he could get away with taking her Simon away and treating him with such cruelty. She was currently scrubbing the entrance hallway floor on her hands and knees with a sponge and a bucket when she heard a familiar set of footsteps approaching. Looking up she saw Jace walking towards her with his hands shoved in his jeans and a solemn look on his face. 

“Jace!” She cried with a beaming smile. He nodded to her and stopped. 

“Hey Clary.” He said but it wasn’t as friendly as she had expected. The last time she had seen him he had told her that he was being put on probation and that he would be back. 

“What are you doing here?” She asked pushing a clump of hair off her forehead where it had been stuck. She knew she looked like a mess, clothes wet and hair in disarray but she hoped that Jace was still into her. Most of the Shadowhunters were stuck up prudes or in a relationship and not willing to risk it for a hook up. 

“The Clave has made their decision about me. I’m getting the results from them today.” He said with a shrug.

“I’m sure they have realized how valuable of an asset you are. We’ve all missed you, Alec’s been a stick in the mud since you left.” She said with a smile. He frowned which was the opposite effect that she had wanted but nodded.

“I’ll talk to him.” Jace said before leaving her alone. Clary frowned but went back to scrubbing the floor. The sooner she was finished the sooner she could get back to training. Hopefully this ‘punishment’ would be over soon and she could get back to actually being a Shadowhunter.

 

Izzy was carefully washing dishes in the kitchen. She was taking her time, making sure each were sparkling clean before moving on to the next one. Unlike Clary, she knew that her punishment was only just  the beginning. They had screwed up majorly. 

Clary had said that she was going to be drawing a rune that would make Simon more pliable to their suggestions but that wasn’t an excuse to her part in it. She had known what could have happened to the vampire when the rune was drawn. At the time she had been blinded by her attraction to the redhead and wanting to rub it in her parents faces that she was an adult and could make her own decisions without screwing up. And then she had made the largest screw up ever. She closed her eyes and the image of Simon’s emaciated form shuffling out of the penthouse bedroom flashed before her vision. If she had eaten anything in the past few days she would have puked at the memory. 

It was horrifying to think that she had been a part of the cause. Simon didn’t deserve that. She had asked Alec about how Simon was doing and he had said that the clan was taking good care of the fledgeling. It had made Izzy feel slightly better knowing that Simon was being taken care of by his own kind. That someone was helping him now and that he would be safe. Lord knew he hadn’t been safe here. Izzy had caught Clary trying to force an erection out of a unresponsive Simon. She had intervened of course, but only when she caught the redhead doing it. 

“Never thought I’d see the day where Isabelle Lightwood wasn’t wearing makeup.” A familiar voice said teasingly. Izzy whipped around to see Jace standing in the doorway, a soft smile on his lips. A similar smile slipped onto her own face as she wiped a loose strand of hair out of her eyes leaving a large wet streak across her forehead. 

“You’re back?” She asked hopeful and he nodded.

“Just got reinstated.” He said and she nodded before turning back to the dishes. 

“I’m sure you’ve heard what happened. With Simon.” She said, trying to keep her voice from cracking with emotion. She listened as he came closer, footsteps echoing around the kitchen.

“Yeah, yeah I did. What happened Izzy? I know you didn’t tell them the whole truth once you broke your rune.” He said leaning against the counter beside the sink. She shot the dirty water a wry smile, refusing to look at him.

“How do you know that?” She asked sharply and watched him shrug out of the corner of her eyes.

“Because I know you Izzy. You’re not an idiot and you do have a large heart even though you pretend you don’t.” He said before adding, “I did live with you since we were kids. You had the biggest heart out of the three of us.” She quietly scrubbed at a particularly difficult stain on a frying pan for a few moments before finally giving in to the soft pressure.

“I thought she loved me as much as I loved her. It’s stupid I know but once you left she spent so much time with me and I thought we would be happy together. She told me things, supposed secrets, and made me feel special. She said that she was just going to use the rune to get Simon to get the book. That once that was done she would take it off him and he would forgive us. That he always forgave her for things and that this would be no different. I had my reservations but she made it seem like the rune would just make him forget his worry and that he really did want to help but was scared. She said that the rune wouldn’t really do anything but would give Simon plausible deniability if the clan got mad. He didn’t scream much past the first few seconds but he began to convulse and I had to hold him down to keep him from hurting himself. I was so scared that we had killed him and then Clary gave the first order and he did it. Just like that. It was like watching a puppet and Clary was the one holding the strings. I tried to give him an order and he just stared at me. We got the book no problem and then when we got back to the Institute I told her to let him go but she just laughed. Said that she liked Simon this way and that she was going to keep him.” 

Izzy took a shuttered breath before continuing, “It was like he was a pet to her. I was hurt, tripped on our way back and scraped up my arm. She said that she was drawing a healing rune and then drew the secrecy rune. Said that if I loved her then I would leave it be and let things stay the way they were.” She laughed a bitter laugh before saying the next line, “It was that night that she first slept with me. Kept telling me that she was so proud of me for keeping her secret and that her mom would love me. Looking back she never said that she loved me that night nor any of the other nights we spent together.” Izzy fell silent and Jace gave her a quick hug.

“He’s safe now. You know better. We all learned that Clarissa Fray cannot be trusted and that she’s manipulative.” Jace said and Izzy let out a shaky laugh.

“I was so proud when he escaped. I kept her from finding him for so long after that, used a potion that I bought from this warlock in Queens on everything of his that I could find so that she couldn’t use a rune to track him. Thought that if I could keep her from finding him that he might have a chance to heal, to survive. I should have done more for him, should have saved him somehow.” She said. 

“Why didn’t you mark through the rune then? It would have freed him.” Jace asked and Izzy shook her head.

“I was lucky if I got a minute alone with him. She was always lurking around so I just kept him fed when I could. If she couldn’t be with him she would lock him in her bedroom and for some reason all the spare keys to her room had gone ‘missing’. I think she stole them so that no one could get to him. The only reason he was left out that night was because the call was an emergency and there wasn’t any time for her to lock him away.” Izzy explained and Jace hummed. 

“I think you did the best you could with what you were given. I’m sure Raphael appreciates hearing all this from you.” Jace said and the large pot that Izzy had been scrubbing slipped from her fingers as she spun to face him. 

“What?” She asked shocked and Jace held up his phone to show that there was an active call between him and ‘Santiago’. Vertigo made Izzy feel like she was on a ship as she realized that he must have set this up so that she would spill everything. Sinking to the floor she was barely aware of Jace telling someone that he needed to go or when two strong arms wrapped around her. 

“I fucked up Jace. I fucked up so bad.” She said as she clung to his shirt. He pulled her into his lap and rubbed her back soothingly.

“I know. I can’t say things will get better now that the vampire leader knows your version of the story but things can only go up from here. You will be okay.” He murmured and she let herself cry. For both herself and for Simon.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Spanish song that is featured in this chapter is called 'La Cucaracha' which translates to 'The Cockroach'. It's a very interesting song.

Raphael wished he could have put it off longer but other clans were still questioning his ability to rule the largest clan on the east coast and he knew that he had to show that he was a good leader or else have to worry about vampires from other clans trying to take over. So, a month after Simon’s return he sent out invitations to the LA, London, and Singapore clans for them to come and socialize with his clan. They were the most prestigious clans beside his own and would be able to decide for the rest of the vampire population whether or not Raphael was acceptable. After all there were hundreds of clans all over the world and he couldn’t host everyone.

“You should have invited the Egypt clan Raphael. They will see this as a slight and won’t be happy.” Lily chided lightly as they read through the acceptance letters. Raphael rolled his eyes but didn’t reply. They both knew he hadn’t invited the Egyptians due to the fact that they had a nasty reputation for torturing fledglings when bored. Raphael didn’t want to start an international incident over his Bebè, he knew it wouldn’t end well and they didn’t need a war among the vampires on top of the one they were fighting with Valentine. The London clan was bringing the most members at fifteen followed by the Singapore clan at nine. LA was only bringing five but that wasn’t surprising. Thomas was the leader of the LA clan and an old friend of Raphael’s. He would know already that Raphael was a good leader since he had never approved of Camille’s leadership.

“The Paris clan is demanding to be included in the meeting. Said they were going to send a delegation whether we approve it or not.” Lily said shoving a letter in Raphael’s hands. Raphael frowned

“Camille created the leader of the Paris clan, what was the girl’s name? Anne?” Raphael mused and Lily hummed

“Annette. Do you think she’ll be trouble?” She corrected and Raphael wanted to roll his eyes.

“She will definitely be trouble. No doubt Camille has contacted her about how I have been leading the clan to ruins.” Raphael said tossing the letter onto the desk. He glanced at the cracked bedroom door where he knew Simon was sleeping

“What’s wrong?” Lily asked suddenly worried

“He’s usually out here from a nightmare by now.” Raphael mused quietly. Carefully he stood and made his way to the door, listening for any movement from the room beyond it. When he didn’t hear anything, he pushed the door open and found Simon sitting up in the bed with the blankets and sheets wrapped around him like a cocoon. The room was dimly lit by a nightlight that Raphael had plugged into the wall socket by the bed.

“Simon?” Raphael asked gently as he moved into the room. Simon slowly turned to look at him with wide eyes

“Something’s coming.” Simon said so softly that it was almost inaudible. Raphael frowned

“Nothing’s coming Bebè, I promise you’re safe.” Raphael said sitting on the edge of the bed. When he reached out to stroke the fledgling’s arm Simon flinched back

“Somethings about to happen. I know it.” Simon said and he sounded ageless when he spoke.

“Alright. I’ll be on guard. I’ll keep you and the clan safe.” Raphael promised and Simon let out a shutter before practically climbing into Raphael’s lap.

“I couldn’t bear to lose any of you.” Simon said, words so quiet that Raphael almost missed them

“You won’t lose us. We couldn’t survive without you again.” Raphael replied glancing over at the door where Lily was standing.

“We’ll finish the paperwork tomorrow.” She said before shutting the door and leaving the suite. Simon nibbled at the skin of Raphael's neck but didn't drop his fangs to feed. Raphael laid them both back so that he was laying on the bed with Simon pressed on his chest

“Go to sleep volantón. I won’t leave you.” Raphael promised and Simon began to settle. Raphael hummed for a moment before beginning to softly sing the song his mother had sung when he was a child

“Dicen que la cucaracha

Es un animal pequeño

Y cuando entra en una casa

Se tiene que quedar dueño.

La cucaracha, la cucaracha,

ya no puede caminar

porque no tiene,

porque le falta

las dos patitas de atrás.

Cuando uno quiere a una

Y esta una no lo quiere,

Es lo mismo que si un calvo

En la calle encuentra un peine

La cucaracha, la cucaracha,

ya no puede caminar

porque no tiene,

porque le falta

las dos patitas de atrás.

Mi vecina de ahí enfrente

Se llamaba Doña Clara,

Y si no se hubiera muerto

Aún así se llamara.

La cucaracha, la cucaracha,

ya no puede caminar

porque no tiene,

porque le falta

las dos patitas de atrás.

Cuando Rita se bañaba

En el río San Fernando

Le picó la cucaracha

Pero ella siguió nadando.

La cucaracha, la cucaracha,

ya no puede caminar

porque no tiene,

porque le falta

las dos patitas de atrás.” Simon was asleep by the second chorus but Raphael sang the song over and over in case he woke.

 

Simon listened as the clan made the final preparations for the delegate’s arrivals. He had tried to help but had been told that he should rest because he would be needing to stand for a long time and he was still weak. The other vampires would be arriving within the hour so most everyone was getting dressed and making themselves look presentable. Raphael had already helped Simon get dressed that evening, another reason he hadn’t been allowed to help because no one wanted to have to explain to the leader why something happened to Simon’s only fancy outfit.

“You okay?” Deaton asked. He was an older vampire that had been turned when he was in his late fifties meaning he had not only the grandfatherly act but also the look with his slivering hair and beginnings of wrinkles.

“I’m fine. Just nervous.” Simon replied as the older vampire sat down beside him

“Don’t worry. I know Raphael can’t stand with you but that doesn’t mean I can’t. If it would make you feel better I’ll keep you company and you can lean on me if you start to get tired.” Deaton offered and Simon shot him a shy grin

“That would be wonderful. Lily and Rapha told me that I would be safer at the back of the group in case a fight broke out and because that’s where the other clans would expect a fledgling to stand. I know it’s silly to want to always be around Rapha but…” Simon trailed off unsure how to finish the sentence

“I understand. Raphael took care of you even before you wandered off for a bit. He was more of a sire to you than your real sire. It isn’t strange that you’ve become rather attached to him and if I could tell you a secret I think he’s rather attached as well.” Deaton said with a nice smile. Simon shrugged, not wanting to think about his relationship with Raphael. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to deepen the relationship into something more romantic it was more of the fact that he knew he had hurt the Latino vampire and that he should let Raphael make the first move. So far Raphael hadn’t and Simon wasn’t going to let his feelings destroy what they had. He wasn’t sure if he could sleep without the comforting weight of Raphael in the bed next to him anymore. Lily appeared at the bottom of the stairs in a beautiful deep purple dress that came down to her mid-calf.

“There you are Si. We need to feed you before they arrive.” She said waving Simon down to her. He stood, nodding goodbye to Deaton, and joined her at the bottom of the stairs.

“I must say Si, you clean up nice when you’re not wearing your ratty tees.” Lily teased as they headed to the kitchen. Simon rolled his eyes and nudged her with his shoulder making her laugh. She popped the fridge open and pulled out two blood packets that had a special green flag on them. It marked them as vampire blood and was for Simon.

“Tonight, you are dining on our fearless leader.” Lily said as the blood warmed up in the microwave.

“When do I not?” Simon said only half joking. Lily snorted and rolled her eyes, turning away when the microwave dinged to pour the blood into two glasses. She passed the glasses over to Simon who practically inhaled the first one.

“Slow down Si, we don’t want you to puke tonight.” Lily said playfully and it was Simon’s turn to roll his eyes. He drank the second glass slower, savoring the slight kick that he associated with Raphael’s blood. To Simon, Raphael’s blood tasted like chocolate that had hot peppers mixed in. It had been his favorite type of chocolate when he was human so it was no surprise that Raphael’s blood would be his favorite as a vampire. Raphael had once asked him what his blood tasted like but Simon had only shrugged and avoided the question. He didn’t want admit that he found Raphael’s blood delicious in case the older vampire freaked out. Elliot popped his head into the kitchen

“Raphael’s calling roll in three in the ball room.” He said and Lily nodded

“Alright, we’ll clean up.” She replied and Elliot left. Lily threw the empty plastic from the blood packets into the trash and grabbed the dishcloth to wipe down the counters as Simon finished his blood and put both cups into the dishwasher. It was now full so he squirted soap into the proper place and set it to run. Lily lead him towards the ballroom where she gave him a tight hug before pushing him towards the back of the group that was already there.

“Go, Si. I’ll check up on you before the sun rises, okay?” She said and he nodded. Simon took up the empty spot beside Deaton and the clan members that were around it shuffled closer to him to both block anyone’s view of him and to protect him better. Deaton smiled at him

“Did you enjoy your supper?” He asked lightly and Simon nodded

“Had our ‘fearless leader’, as Lily put it, for supper.” He replied and Deaton snorted to hold back his laughter

“I wouldn’t go around calling Raphael that. It might inflate his ego or attract his ire and until someone does it we won’t know which.” Deaton said with a grin and Simon giggled

“I bet I could get away with it.” He said and Deaton raised an eyebrow

“If I was to take that bet what would I win?” He asked and Simon broke down in silent laughter

“Could you imagine the stare that I would get if I called him that? It would probably be in the top ten.” Simon said grinning. Deaton rolled his eyes and nudged Simon back into place as Raphael began to call roll and go over the basic protocol for the evening. Simon knew he should be listening because he didn’t know any of the information that Raphael was going over but instead he replayed a memory of Raphael holding him late at night. He had plenty to chose from, Raphael still hadn’t let Simon return to his own room but Simon wasn’t complaining. It meant that he got to sleep in a bed that smelt like the older vampire and wake up _smelling_ like Raphael. Simon loved everything about Raphael, the way his voice sounded, the way he smelt of musk and sandalwood and a bit of vanilla, the way he curled around Simon during the day as if to protect the fledgling from anything that might try to harm them. These were all reasons why Simon had fallen in love with Raphael. There was so much about the vampire leader that made Simon smile that it would have been impossible to list them all. So many reasons that Simon would follow Raphael into sunlight if need be and only one to keep from admitting it. Because Simon knew he had lost his chance when he had betrayed the clan. Yes, he had been mind controlled but for nearly six months the clan hadn’t known it. For nearly six months he had lived in fear of one of the clan finding him and carrying out the kill order. Things like that didn’t disappear overnight, the distrust and the fear. It would take time and even then, Simon didn’t know if Raphael still felt the same way as he had before everything had happened. Simon wasn’t sure when things had become so complicated or if they had always been complicated and he just had never noticed. Deaton elbowed Simon jolting him out of his head in time for Simon to catch a glimpse of a shimmery blue portal. It was time to play politics, Simon supposed and then thought about how much he hated politics. How he had never even registered to vote because of it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the next chapter of this story. My name is Twisted and I will be continuing the story from here on out.

Simon stood on the edge of the ballroom watching everyone dance and talk. He didn’t know anyone and was feeling a bit left out. Deaton had introduced him to several people but they had all been at least forty years older than him and had nothing in common with him. He took another sip of his drink, punch mixed with a bit of Lily’s blood, and scanned the crowd for Raphael. He spotted the clan leader talking to the leader of the London clan and two of her members. Simon liked the leader of the London clan, a woman named Alexis, she had taken him aside the second day they had been there and had talked to him about how he was turned and Simon had told her about Camille turning him. She had frowned at his story but seemed to accept it as the truth. She wasn’t the only visiting vampire to have taken an interest in Simon, two vampires from the French clan had tried to get Simon to show them around the city. Simon had been willing but Lily had intercepted them before they had been able to leave with a flimsy excuse on Raphael wanting everyone to stay at the hotel. Simon flinched when a young girl appeared beside him.    
“You must be Simon Lewis.” She said in a sweet voice that was far too sweet and raised hairs on Simon’s neck. The vampire looked to be about eleven or twelve, turned on the cusp of puberty, with long blond hair that didn’t look natural and dark eyes that held a touch of something that Simon had seen on the streets. Danger. It was a look he had sometimes seen in another homeless person’s eyes before they did something dangerous and often deadly. It was the look of a predator who had spotted their prey. He was the prey, Simon realized and gave the girl a shaky smile.

“I’m not sure who you are.” He said and she gave a tinkling laugh

“My name’s Annette Mercier, I am the leader of the French clan.” She said giving him a falsely innocent smile. Simon smiled back uneasily

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said before glancing around for anyone to help him. Lily was talking animatedly with two vampires from the Singapore clan, Elliot was chatting up a pretty girl from the London clan and Raphael was nowhere to be seen. 

“I would love to get to know you more, Raphael says that you were turned about a year ago so you probably know technology better than anyone else in this room.” Annette said grabbing Simon by the arm and dragging him out of the ballroom. Simon thought that she would try to drag him out of the hotel but instead she took him towards the guest quarters where Raphael had housed the visiting clans. It wasn’t a long trip, taking barely five minutes to get from the ballroom to her rooms where she shoved him inside and locked the doors behind them. 

“You’ve been a naughty fledgling and now Mama’s going to have to take care of you.” Annette snarled, her face warping from that of an innocent girl to something dangerous. Simon took a step away from her and further into the room. 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Simon said holding his hands up as if that would ward her off. The smaller vampire threw her head back and laughed, this time it sounded deranged and unhinged. 

“Our maker of course, Camille. Tell me you haven’t forgotten the vampire who gave you your life, the one who made you into something that was actually worth something.” Annette said taking a step towards him which he mirrored with a step back. The look on the insane vampire’s face made Simon realize this was a game to her.

“I think I need to speak to Lily. Very important that I speak with her right away.” Simon said taking a gamble and pushing past Annette towards the door. She let him go and as he hurried down the hall towards his room he heard her call

“See you soon Caramel.” 

 

Raphael watched as slowly the party wound down for the morning. He had spent most the night dealing with a pair of rogue vampires that had tried to crash the party so when he walked into the ballroom he had been too tired to really notice anything was amiss. It wasn’t until he realized that the fledgling hadn’t had his second glass of vampire blood that he noticed that Simon wasn’t in the room at all. Pulling Elliot aside he asked

“When was the last time you saw the fledgling?” Elliot frowned and thought about the question before replying

“He was standing in the corner by himself at about one but was gone at two. I assumed that he had grown tired and went to bed, he doesn’t have the stamina yet to really socialize all night.” Elliot said and Raphael nodded. 

“I’ll go check my room and then his, if I don’t find him in either of those places then you need to prepare to lock the hotel down.” Raphael ordered and Elliot nodded like one of those bobble-head things that Magnus was so fond of. Raphael checked the penthouse suite first, hoping to find Simon curled up on the couch or even in the bed. He wasn’t in either spot so Raphael headed down one floor to room 1436 which had been given to Simon when he had first moved into the hotel. When he reached the door he heard shuffling from behind it and carefully knocked. It was a moment before the door opened, Simon looked tired, shadows starting to form under his eyes

“You missed your second feeding Bebè.” Raphael said softly and Simon moved back away from the door to let his leader in

“Sorry. Got tired so I came up here but couldn’t get comfortable enough to sleep.” Simon said. Raphael let out a hum so the fledgling knew he was still listening as he looked around the room. It was different from the last time Raphael had been in here which had been before the banishment. Simon had taken down the posters that had once littered the walls, replacing them with shelves of books. The guitar that had once been proudly displayed was no longer in sight and the mess that had covered Simon’s desk was now organized and neat. Simon’s computer was up and running some sort of program that looked like an endless scroll of white numbers on a black background. 

“It’s fine Pequiño, I was just worried. There have been some issues with rogue vampires tonight and I no one had seen you in a bit so we were worried.” Raphael said cutting off Simon’s mindless babble about sleep statistics. Simon nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed

“Are you sure I can’t sleep with you today? I’ve been having trouble falling asleep since I’ve had to come back here.” Simon admitted looking down at the floor in embarrassment.

“Perdoname, I’m afraid that you have to sleep here until the delegations are gone.” Raphael said sitting down gently beside Simon. Simon nodded and Raphael had to keep from blurting out that he hadn’t been sleeping well either.

“Sometimes I fall asleep and I dream that I’m still under Her control and me escaping was the dream. The dreams are so real that I get confused when I wake up on what’s the dream and what’s not. It takes me a while to figure out that I’m really awake and that being captive is the dream.” Simon said softly and Raphael pulled him into a hug. 

“This is real Cariño, you are not there anymore. You are safe, you are home.” Raphael murmured as he rubbed the fledgling’s back. Simon didn’t cry, simply clung to Raphael with his head tucked under the clan leader’s chin. 

“How do I know that though. I feel like I’m going insane sometimes.” Simon murmured and Raphael pushed him away far enough to show him the trick that Magnus had taught him. 

“Magnus always told me that you can’t read in a dream, no matter how hard you try. Next time you can’t tell if you’re dreaming or not, pick up a book and see if you can read it.” Raphael said brushing a lock of Simon’s hair off his forehead. Simon had cut it a while back, not as short as he had had it before he had been exiled, but shorter than it had been when he first arrived back at the hotel.

“Thank you Raphael. I’ll try that.” Simon said avoiding Raphael’s gaze. Raphael nodded, stood and walked over to the door. 

“I need to tell Elliot that I found you and you need to go to Lily for your second feeding. You’re still not healthy enough to skip meals Bebè.” Raphael said knowing that things had almost gotten out of hand. He still cared deeply for Simon, yes, but now was not the time to rekindle those feelings. They had to worry about the delegations, Camille, Morgenstern, and Fray before dealing with the feelings that were simmering between them. Raphael took care of the last few things he needed to before heading up to his room in the penthouse and getting ready for bed. He lay in his large bed for several hours before finally drifting off in a restless sleep.

 

Annette sat in her room waiting. Camille had been specifice in her instructions, Annette wasn’t to make a bold move until after the other delegations had left lulling Santiago into a false sense of security. She had almost messed it up but the Lewis boy had been so easy to play with and Santiago wouldn’t be able to do anything to her if the fledgling had gone running to him. Annette hadn’t actually hurt the baby, only threatened him a little. Put him on edge. It was her favorite game to play, toying with the mind until they stopped fighting and only then snapping the neck. Mental anguish was such a pleasant thing, body’s broke way to fast but the mind always tried to find ways to cope with the stress and pain. It was much more fun to toy with, to tear apart. She knew things would begin to move faster now, the other delegates only had two more days in New York before they decided whether or not Santiago was a competent leader or not. Annette didn’t get a say since she hadn’t technically been invited but had shown up as a unwelcome guest. It didn’t matter, Camille had no interest in leading the New York clan as it was now. Her plan was much simpler, lead the clan into a trap and then slaughter them all in order to rebuild. After all, no one keeps a dead plant in their house, instead they throw it out and replace it with a new plant that will grow the way they want it to.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kinda glossed over the vampire politics because I really only wanted to bring the delegations in to further a side plot. We also get sleepy love confessions in this chapter.

Simon watched from the back of the group as the last of the delegates left through a portal that was taking them back to Singapore. He was relieved that it was all over, that the French delegation was finally gone. After the encounter with the leader, Annette, Simon had gone to great lengths to always be with someone from his own clan when he wasn't in his own room. Simon wasn’t the only one who seemed to be glad that the whole thing was over, Raphael had finally allowed a slump to his shoulders and Lily had taken off her heels. Deciding that he had been cooped up in the hotel for far too long, Simon shot a text to Lily saying that he was going to visit Luke before slipping out the door. There must have been snow in the forecast because the few people he saw were all carrying umbrellas and it was too cold for rain. It didn’t bother him whether or not he got snowed on, it wasn’t going to melt on him due to the fact that his skin was freezing cold. He was glad that he was wearing one of his thicker coats so that he didn’t stand out too much. Raphael had bought him several heavy coats when he had been sick due to the fact that he had actually felt the cold then and now wearing one of his wool coats had become habit. The trek to the subway station was longer than expected due to the fact that his usual one was closed for work on the track. The train though was blissfully empty and Simon was able to doze on the ride until he had to get off. Checking his phone as he exited the station he saw that he had missed a text from a fellow clan member named Radcliff reading ‘Lily told Raphael where you had gone and he got this look on his face’ with a picture of Raphael scowling on his face. Simon chuckled and tucked his phone back into his pocket as he made his way through the empty streets to the Jade Wolf. Luke was waiting for him at the door with a grin and Simon realized he had forgotten to text Luke to make sure that it was okay to visit.

“Sorry, I’ve been stuck at the hotel for close to a week and needed a break from politics.” Simon said when Luke pulled him into a hug.

“It’s fine. I got a text from Miss Chen and a call from Santiago. Miss Chen told me you were coming and Santiago said that if anything happened he would skin me in my wolf form and hang me in the hotel.” Luke said cheerfully and Simon winced

“They’ve been super protective of me since I rejoined. Sometimes it’s nice but other times I feel overwhelmed.” Simon said sliding into a booth. The shop was empty save a few wolves from the pack who all ignored Simon. Simon figured that it was early enough that most the younger portion of the pack were probably still at clubs or Hunter’s Moon while late enough that the older portion were probably already at their homes getting ready for work tomorrow. Luke slid in across from him and shot him a smile.

“I’m glad you’re back at the hotel. I had wolves searching for you but I guess you’d gotten better at hiding.” Luke admitted and Simon felt guilt wash through him

“I didn’t want to impose and some of your wolves came close to my hiding spots in the beginning so I had to get creative. I think I learned more about how to evade people in the six months that I was living on the street than they teach professional spies.” Simon joked trying to lighten the mood. Luke chuckled

“Well if you ever need a place to stay you should know that you always can ask me. I haven’t seen Clary since the incident and don’t plan on seeing her any time soon either.” Luke said firmly. Simon nodded and smiled weakly.

“Did Mrs. Fray ever wake up?” He asked. He knew that it should have been one of the first things he asked. After all, everything had happened because his once best friend had wanted her mother back. Luke’s grimace told it all

“The book didn’t work. They kept her at the Institute for about two weeks after it failed in case it was a delayed reaction and then I had her transferred to New York Methodist Hospital. They can give her better care and it’s easier to visit for me. Would you like to visit? I’m sure we can come up with some reason why you need to visit at night instead of during regular hours.” Luke offered and Simon was nodding before he could think.

“Alright. It’s early enough tonight that we should be able to visit for a few hours. Come on.” Luke said sliding out of the booth and heading toward the door. Simon followed quickly

“Did you know that there have been recorded cases where a person in a coma has been able to hear everything around them?” Simon asked and Luke laughed a deep, hearty laugh

“Yeah, I had heard that. Maybe you can tell her about the clan. I’ve told her that we found you but I’m sure she would like to hear your voice. If those cases about coma patients are real.” Luke said as they climbed into his car. Simon smiled. It would be nice to see Mrs. Fray again. Even if she wasn’t awake just knowing that she was alive would soothe some of Simon’s worry and guilt.

 

Raphael glanced at the clock, it was nearly sunrise and Simon hadn’t returned. Usually the fledgling had checked in by now saying he was on his way or already back. Raphael knew Simon had been having trouble sleeping since the delegations had come but they had left now and Raphael was more than willing to share his bed again. Raphael also knew that Simon was still having trouble telling when he was dreaming and therefore was avoiding sleeping when he could. The day guards had reported that they had had to walk Simon to his room and tuck him into bed several times over the past few days because the fledgling had been wandering the hotel during the day and they had been worried he would hurt himself accidentally. Apparently the first time they had caught him they had just told him to go back to bed and he had instead wandered to a different part of the hotel. His phone buzzed and he picked it up

“Santiago.” He said sharply

“Hey, Raphael, it’s Luke Garraway. Simon and I are at New York Methodist Hospital visiting Jocelyn and I can’t convince Simon to leave. Think you could get down here and get him home before the sun rises.” A gruff voice on the other side of the line said and Raphael rolled his eyes to the ceiling

“Why was the fledgling visiting the Fairchild woman?” He asked exasperated as he pulled his shoes back on

“Jocelyn was more of a mother to Simon than Simon’s biological mother ever was. Simon’s mom was...you know, he’ll explain it to you if you ask and it would be better if you heard it from him.” Garraway said and he sounded exhausted

“Díos. I’m on my way.” Raphael said before hanging up and blurring out of the hotel. When he reached the hospital, he had to ask one of the old ladies at the front desk where to go. Garraway was standing outside the room and nodded towards the door when Raphael arrived.

“He’s in there with her. Completely ignored me when I tried to get him to leave earlier.” Garraway said and Raphael grimaced. He slowly pushed into the room. It was dark inside, only lit by the television which showed some late-night infomercial. Simon was sitting beside the bed where Jocelyn Fairchild lay motionless, he was holding one of her hands and talking softly

“…how I actually ended up with a broken arm. We told you we climbed the tree because we knew we’d get in less trouble that way. Clary used to use that old saying, ‘better to ask forgiveness than permission’ way too much but I always went along with it. I was so blind to how she really was and looking back I wonder if she was my only friend because I was too weird or if she somehow sabotaged any other relationship I had. I mean, I had the band somewhat but that was still awkward. And she was always there during practice. I thought she was just trying to support me but maybe she was trying to control me even back then. Maybe if I had done things differently things would have been better.” Simon paused to kiss the comatose woman’s hand

“If you did things different we wouldn’t have met.” Raphael said cutting in and making the fledgling look at him. Simon gave him a weak smile

“Come on Fledgling, we need to go before the sun comes up.” Raphael said softly and Simon shook his head

“I don’t want to leave her, she’ll be alone. What if Valentine comes for her, she wouldn’t have anyone to protect her. If the sun’s up I can’t…” Simon trailed off sounding wreaked. It tugged at Raphael’s heart, he knew what it was like to worry about not being able to reach those one loves because of what they were

“I know how you feel. My sister, Rosa, was the most precious thing to me. I worried about her the same way that you worry about Mrs. Fairchild.” Raphael said gently as he approached the bed and Simon, “You don’t have to worry though, I’ll ask Magnus to put up wards that will protect her when you can’t.” He said and Simon seemed to think the option over. Garraway, who was standing in the doorway, took a step into the room

“I’ll send a couple of the pups to watch her. I’ve got two who would immediately volunteer because it would mean they could skip school.” He offered and Simon nodded slowly

“Okay.” He mumbled before yawning. He allowed Raphael to guide him to his feet and away from the bed. As they reached the doorway, Simon turned back and waved goodbye before allowing Raphael to lead him out of the hospital

“Do you want me to drive you two back to the hotel?” Garraway asked as they reached the outside. Raphael considered his options. On one hand, the fledgling was dead on his feet and would probably do damage if he tried to blur back to the hotel and on the other hand Raphael would probably have to burn his clothes because they would smell like wet dog. He liked this jacket.

“No thank you. I will carry Simon.” Raphael said scooping Simon up bridal style and making sure he was holding on before blurring them both back to the hotel. He carried Simon into the hotel and up to the penthouse where he laid him out on the couch and blurred down to the kitchen for a glass and a bag of blood. Once he was back in the penthouse he sat down beside Simon who was falling asleep on the couch

“Come on Bebè. You need to eat before you go to sleep.” Raphael said pouring the bag into the cup with expert precision. Simon slowly sat up and Raphael helped him drink, knowing that if he let go of the glass that Simon would drop it. Simon leaned heavily on Raphael as he drank slowly and Raphael wrapped an arm around Simon’s waist. Taking the glass away and setting it down on the coffee table Raphael let Simon fall asleep on his shoulder as he rubbed small, soothing circles on his hip.

“I lo’e y’u Rapha.” Simon murmured in his sleep and Raphael paused in his ministrations. Resuming the circles Raphael pulled the sleeping fledgling closer and wiped a small drop of blood from his lips

“Y tù, Bebè. Y tù.” He replied even though Simon wouldn’t hear him. He carried Simon into the bedroom and pulled off his shoes before undressing the fledgling down to his boxers and tucking him into the bed. After Simon was settled Raphael stripped to his own boxers and climbed in beside Simon.

“Buenos noches mi amor.” Raphael murmured as he slipped into dreamless sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was kinda hard to write. I had notes from the previous author and this was the first chapter that I wrote without those notes.

Clary stood by the bar at Pandemonium. The Institute had been shorthanded so Alec had been forced to take her and Izzy off their mundane tasks and put them back on the list for missions. They still weren’t part of the patrol schedule but Clary was pleased that she would be able to see some action. There was only so much scrubbing floors and organizing the library that she could take. Of course, all the busy work had had it’s uses. She had devised a plan for getting Simon back, one that the vampires would be helpless against. While she had been organizing the library, she had discovered an old book on vampires and some experiments that a Shadowhunter had done. The Shadowhunter had found that vampires could become addicted to Oleanders if the flowers were crushed into a powder and mixed with their blood. It didn’t take long for them to get addicted either, just one or two doses and Simon would be hooked. She had already found an Oleander bush in one of the greenhouses that lined the back of the Institute, now she just needed to get the powder into Simon’s blood without the rest of the stupid vampires finding out. A solution to that problem had already presented itself in the form of a pretty Seelie girl who worked the bar at Pandemonium. In using this girl Clary would be able to deny her involvement if anyone caught on and still remain in control of Simon. She knew the Dumort Clan often visited Pandemonium on the weekends.

“Any sign of the demon?” Jace’s voice broke Clary out of her head and she turned to face him with a grimace

“No. Any luck on your end?” She asked with a friendly smile. Jace didn’t return it, instead simply shook his head and headed back out onto the dance floor. Clary frowned. That was going to be a problem, Jace had been cold with her since his return, since before his return. She wasn’t sure what he thought she had done but he was hers and she wouldn’t let him get away from her that easy. Now that she knew he wasn’t her brother things should have been easier, he should have been happy to get together with her. Clary hadn’t cared if they were really related anyways, she would have just made sure that she didn’t get pregnant and everything would have been fine. It was the others in the Institute that would have freaked about their relationship and she hadn’t wanted to deal with that. Not that it mattered anyways because he _wasn’t_ her brother and they could have a normal relationship. She was sure that it was the fact that he had been suspended from the Shadow World that had caused the coldness, he wasn’t sure his place anymore but once she made it clear that she was still interested then he would be happy to start their inevitable relationship. Clary smiled to herself, things were moving along smoothly.

 

Simon sat in the kitchen with his laptop in front of him. He was currently looking through several online stores for the perfect present for Lily’s birthday. It was only two weeks away and he wanted to get her something unique. He knew she was particularly fond of nail polish and had a secret love for frogs. He was contemplating buying a set of jade frog figures for her since they were rather pretty and still within his price range.

“What are you doing up at three in the afternoon Bebè?” Raphael’s voice sounded from behind Simon who turned to see the vampire leader standing in the doorway looking sexy in a pair of low riding black sleep pants.

“I’m looking for something for Lily’s birthday. It’s in two weeks and with the way time has been for me I didn’t want to forget and not have anything for her.” Simon said turning back to his computer. He felt more than heard Raphael come up behind him and look over his shoulder at the figurines

“She’d like those. You should get them.” He said and Simon couldn’t help the wave of happiness that washed over him. Raphael shuffled over to the fridge and pulled out a regular blood packet. Simon started entering his information so that he could order the present and missed the worried look that Raphael sent his way

“You didn’t explain why you are up at three in the afternoon Cariño. You need your sleep, you’re only a fledgling.” Raphael said and Simon felt something inside him snap

“I’m fine.” He said, voice cold. Why wouldn’t anyone ever leave him alone? They were always worried about him when there was nothing to be worried about. He had taken care of himself for close to six months on the street, he didn’t need them babying him!

“Simon.” Raphael said and Simon could hear the astonishment that lined his voice. Simon felt the fight slip from between his fingers and he slumped

“Sorry, you’re right. I’m just tired of my dreams.” Simon said scrubbing at his face with his hands. Raphael didn’t move from across the island but Simon could see how Raphael wanted to comfort him. He just didn’t know how and Simon was to tired to try and help him figure it out.

“Tomorrow’s Friday. Why don’t we go to Pandemonium and unwind? It’ll be a clan outing.” Raphael said and Simon smiled. He liked going out with the clan.

“Sounds good. I’d better get to bed then.” Simon said shutting his computer and standing. He stretched, feeling his bones pop, before ambling out of the kitchen towards the stairs. He knew Raphael would check on him later and insist that he sleep in. Simon didn’t mind. He _was_ tired. It was just…whenever he shut his eyes he got visions of a garden filled with bushes teaming with little pink and red flowers. He had of course done his research on them and found that they were Oleanders, a flower that was toxic to Mundanes but mostly grew in warmer climates. Simon wasn’t sure why he was dreaming of being lost in a garden of this particular plant. He wanted to believe that it wasn’t anything, just a dream that his mind had made up based on his fear of being trapped. Simon wasn’t good at blindly believing in anything anymore though.

 

Raphael watched Simon smile at the pretty fey girl who was tending the bar at Pandemonium. Magnus was yammering away about Alec and how pretty Alec had looked the night before for their date or something of that nature. Raphael wasn’t really listening too closely. It seemed the bartender was flirting with Simon who didn’t seem to be too fond of her advances. Raphael was just about to interviene when he saw the tension in Simon’s shoulders relax and the bartender slip him a drink before heading to the other end of the bar. Simon took the drink and started towards the VIP section where Magnus and Raphael were.

“Everything okay with Autumn?” Magnus asked when Simon sat down beside Raphael. Simon spluttered

“Uh, yeah. She was flirting heavily, I mean, but I think she realized that I wasn’t interested and gave me a drink for free after apologizing so it’s fine.” He said before taking another sip of the drink. Raphael rolled his eyes. Of course, the bartender would flirt with Simon. Raphael was sure that others had also flirted with the oblivious fledgling and Bebè just hadn’t noticed. Simon looked like sex on legs. He was thin but not as thin as he had once been. There wasn’t a trace of fat on Simon’s body anymore, his body was lean and eventually Simon would learn to move with grace. His hair was longer too, curling in what could only be considered after sex hair. All in all, Simon had turned from the awkward human who rambled into a sensual vampire who looked like he had a tragic past. And Simon did in a way. Magnus jumped to his feet suddenly and Raphael realized that Lily had joined them at some point. Lily sent him a pointed look, obviously having caught him staring at Simon. Raphael raised an eyebrow, daring her to call him out on it. She huffed and engaged Simon into a conversation about the music that was playing allowing Raphael to go back to his staring. Simon seemed happy at the moment. Raphael hoped it lasted, Simon was without a doubt the brightest person that Raphael had ever met. He didn’t want that to ever change.


	10. A/N

Hi, 

I'm going to be rewriting this story. It wasn't originally mine and I'm having a hard time working on it because I really didn't get many notes on where it was going and I feel like I'm all over the place with this story. I'm really sorry and I will be trying to get a new version up soon. 

This version will not be taken down, I think it's a good piece and I don't want to take that from a fandom that is so small. Some things will not change in the new story, Clary will still be a bitch, and Jace will still probably end up with someone else. 

I am really sorry about this but I promise I will have a new version up next wednesday at the latest.

 

With thought

TwistedMetalTrees


	11. A/N Part Two

My Dearest Readers,

The wait is over. The rewrite is up. It's called 'Become So Tired (So Much More Aware)'. if you can't wait to look it up there should be a link down below where they list the works that are inspired by this one. 

 

Enjoy

TwistedMetalTrees

 

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Become So Tired (So Much More Aware)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091225) by [TwistedMetalTrees](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwistedMetalTrees/pseuds/TwistedMetalTrees)




End file.
